Long Day...

So, I didn't really cut my hair, but I am seriously going to cut my hair in a few weeks, and so I'm preparing some of my friends for the shock (namely, you, and you, and you, and you). I love my long-curly-sometimes-straight hair, but as with many things in my life right now, there are going to be some changes. There have been several internal struggles with elements of my goings-on, with my thoughts, with my sleep patterns, dreams, walks along California sidewalks, but still I'm here doing as I do on a normal basis. There's been a lot more "alone" time lately, as I do like it. But. What I need is a place to put all my hopes and dreams. How does one describe the emotion that rushes through your body when you really want something because it adds creativity to you? Maybe it revises what you previously thought about yourself. Maybe what you previously thought about your own complexity or your own simplicity. Or maybe it just causes you to stare deeply at something in wonder and you like that. Maybe it is the romantic in me. I'm not romantic in every sense of the word. I think I lost the idea that there is one man for every woman, that every time a door closes, a window opens. But, there is the simple truth of how little control we have on our environment also affects our ability to make choices about what we do. For instance, I may not be able to change how someone feels about something I've said, but I can always provide the output I think is the most appropriate and sometimes one's attitude is the most important thing. I'm counting on my attitude to pull me through this strange week, even stranger month, and even more bizarre year I'm having. God works in mysterious ways and I do think there is ulitimately a plan that covers the whole context of one's life, but I won't be able to see the entire blueprint, so I have to live each day a little at a time. And maybe stare at that space a bit longer until I can figure out how it really affects me, individual, language and art lover, writer, traveler.