Ambition, Questions, and More?

I wonder sometimes, where does this passion come from? Recently, a person of some importance asked where motivation comes from, specifically, where do I derive my own motivation? My answer, "I am one of ambition. I look for my motivation from a good breakfast and a run at the end of the day or a tennis match. All I want is something to keep me healthy while I am naturally motivated to do my best." This is truth - this is an honest answer about my own motivation, but it sounds contrived because most of us aren't motivated, and even those who are have downtimes. I'm in a downturn and hardened because of it. I feel like a dog chasing her own tail, a hamster running inside her cage, a loser trapped behind the Performing Arts Building in High School, eating lunch alone again, rejected by anyone remotely confident. It is a strange feeling to be so alone when you have a relationship with a God who loves you dearly. How can one feel so alone? It isn't natural, right? I'm so grateful for receiving the bare necessities = the clothes on my back, the rooftop above me, frankly, for transportation in California ( MY car is mine. I own it 100 percent with no payments...yeeha.) - and yet I feel sad and morose. I'm struggling to find my ambition on some days because I'm exhausted from putting forth effort in a world of challenges. Not just challenges - Negativity. But, I am blessed. Truly. Before any of those bare essentials - fabric on my shoulders, a home, etc. - I have my family. Blessed with family. Even if things are crashing down all around me, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It does not change the fact that I am utterly exhausted.

The Real Thing

Fantasy - a little time to myself. Is that possible?