The Standards of A Writer

Writers are often misunderstood creatures. We tend to be a bit introverted, introspective, and self-reflective, yet balance these qualities with a so-called normal life, yet always observant, always wondering how to tell a story, make it valuable, make it real. A favorite film character of mine is a novelist, and he said in response to whether his novel was autobiographical:

Well, I mean, is anything autobiographical? We all see the world through our own tiny keyhole, right? I mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe... he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives, and that anybody who sits down to write is gonna use the clay of their own mind, that you can't avoid that. 1

Well, there you go. In fact, it seems his novel was autobiographical, in some sense, by his standards. I was reading this review of the "writing life" by Oscar Villalon, which showed how one man interviewed all these different writers and published in The Paris Review, a well-know academic journal. The later book was then called The Paris Review Interviews. Article here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=99920411&ft=1&f=1032

In reading an excerpt from this, it really made me think about what it is to be a writer, taking from the “clay of [one’s] own mind” and making it valuable. When I go for a run down the beach, I find myself formulating stories about the people I pass on the boardwalk, biking, tanning, playing volleyball, reading, arguing with each other. Each of these persons has a story to tell. So do I. Listening to the waves crash, it makes me feel alive, well, and as if that piece of nature is a part of me. But, as a writer, it does seem strange to imagine not looking at the world that way. Just to enjoy the moment. I sometimes feel like I’m living in the world and looking at it from the outside from some vantage point only I can see from. From my tiny keyhole, I guess. I mean, in looking at the lives of Silvia Plath, Raymond Carver, Franz Kafka, Joyce Carol Oates, James Joyce, Brett Easton Ellis, I think about just how each of these men and women lived. Raymond Carver mentions in his interview that he probably drank more than most people did, and that he found that to be a hazard in the profession he’d chosen. Now, I may not have statistics on it, but it got me thinking. Not that all writers are drunks. More that we choose to experience or have a passion for experiences that will give us more stories, more tales. Writers have that zeal or fire to capture life and then show it on the page. Just like artists do, I guess. I’m not a talented painter, but I do paint. Just another way to express myself. Use a piece of that discontented creativity to express something. My small little piece of how the world looks, or how people seem to speak, what I say in other people’s relationships… Just to find out what’s valuable and again to show that value and meaning through the expression in ink.

1 "Before Sunset Script" - transcript from the screenplay, http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/b/before-sunset-script-transcript.html

Contradictions and Randomness

In preparation for my grad school admissions essay, I have been writing down and brainstorming many things about my character and personality, which will hopefully assist in drawing out a most unique piece of work. I've discovered amongst my research on perfecting the "statement of purpose" that sincerity is one of the most difficult and important qualities to project when writing. Since the essay is self-centric, this is most difficult to achieve. Come across as egotistical and sincere - eh? Therefore, the things I discuss must be somewhat personal, but also differentiate as an intellectually motivated individual for the specific discipline, and not the same-old same-old "I persevere...That experience really meant something to me...I lvoe a challenge...blah blah. As I'm writing these words, I'm feeling the distress of this kind of quality. It is difficult! Even if this doesn't seem to address how I am going to write this essay, I'm going to list random things about my character I hope will assist me. Perhaps any of my readers can help with this? Don't forget...these are random. Quite random qualities and memories:

1. I want to do more than just breathe, I want to know why I am here.
2. I stifle my emotions, but I'm actually more sensitive than I'd like to admit.
3. I write, and this is my valium when I'm aggravated. I draw and paint when I'm happy. This is my champagne.
4. I'm upset about the poverty around the world, and the best thing I can do about it is volunteer at home. Especially when there are more homeless people in Orange County than most other highly populated US cities.
5. I believe gay people should have the right to get married, if they choose. I am pro-choice, but I would never have an abortion.
6. I love the music of Radiohead, but I don't understand half of the things they are trying to say.
7. Most sports I am only "okay" at, despite the fact that I'm quite athletic in that I practice all the time.
8. The thought of eternity in Heaven still scares me.
9. I don't really worry about dying. In fact I wouldn't mind dying a bloody, horrific death, if it would save someone I loved.
10. Traveling to places I've never been makes me feel alive more than almost anything else does.
11. I love being alone. Walking alone. Writing alone. Reading alone. However, I still get lonely sometimes.
12. I procrastinate in almost anything. I love the rush I get from finishing something under a tight deadline. The feeling of excelling at the end heightens the excitement for me.
13. I am polychronic. I hate being early for anything except to go sailing with the family, like we used to do in summers past...or Disneyland. (he he)
14. I like depressing films. It reminds me of why I choose to do the right thing. It also reminds me that things don't always end happily.
15. I too want world peace. However, I don't believe it is ever possible.
16. I like being witty, but I also like being the person at the party who just watches other people and sits quietly in the corner.
17. I am motivated to change the world, even if it just means not using styrafoam cups for coffee in the office.
18. I could sit on the beach listening to the waves for hours and not be bored, as long as I had my journal with me.
19. I want to live in Paris. For a long time. A very long time.
20. Museums thrill me. But I can never get anyone to go with me!
21. Fresh strawberries are so much better than any other dessert.
22. I wish I was a real witch who knew real spells and Harry Potter was my best friend.
23. I don't think I would mind being single for a very long time.
24. I believe people cannot communicate honestly with each other 80% of the time. Either because they are too polite, too rude, too insincere, or too insecure.
25. I love the contradictions in life, and I don't think I would want things created differently. I just want to be able to change the small piece of the world I can.